When He Cried
by Miggy not Fax
Summary: "Ladies and gentlemen," the speaker said as he stood before the crowd that had gathered in the funeral parlor. "I know many of you have come here today just to see the end of a man once considered by society as a serial killer, but I hope that today you will find a little something more in your hearts for this man." Mentions of abuse.


"Ladies and gentlemen," the speaker said as he stood before the crowd that had gathered in the funeral parlor. In a coffin before them, lay the cold body of one utterly dead Dean Winchester. "I know many of you have come here today just to see the end of a man once considered by society as a serial killer, but I hope that today you will find a little something more in your hearts for this man.

"Jonathan Dean Winchester, Jr. was born several weeks premature on January 24, 1979. As with most premature births, there were many complications, which is why Dean's parents, Mary and John Senior, waited four years to try and have another child. Dean's younger brother, Sam, was healthy, and the family was happy. But then when Dean was four and Samuel was six months old, there was a fire in Sam's nursery and Mary Winchester burned to death. As John tried unsuccessfully to save her, he handed Dean his brother and ordered him to run.

"That was the start of John Winchester's delusions. He believed that a demon had broken into their house and killed his wife and that there were supernatural creatures out there. He packed his sons into his car and began moving around the country with them going on what he referred to as 'hunts'. When Dean was in the fifth grade, his teacher identified him as being dual exceptional, which means he was gifted, but also had a learning disability. In Dean's case it was dyslexia, but he never had extra tutoring. In fact, his father had Dean skipped up a grade so he would graduate sooner and be able to help him on 'hunts'.

"By the time Dean was eighteen, he had been taken out of his father's care thirty-four times for suspected abuse and neglect. Sam and Dean were often separated and sometimes the foster homes Dean was put into were just as bad as being with John. There was always a problem with the paperwork or something similar and the boys were always returned to their father.

"Sam left for college when Dean was twenty-two and Dean was left with his father. When Dean was seventeen, his school counselor had sent Dean's application to MIT and Dean had been accepted, but never attended. The counselor once mentioned in conversation that Dean's father wouldn't allow it and Dean felt too responsible for his brother to leave.

"Phone records showed that Dean tried several times to contact his brother, but Sam would never answer the phone or reply to text messages. They didn't speak for four years until John went missing and Dean showed up in Sam's house asking for help finding him. Soon, Sam's girlfriend burns to death and once again Dean pulls Sam out of the fire. After that, Sam leaves college and joins Dean on the road and they continue trying to find John. Shortly after locating their father, the family was involved in a car accident with a semitruck. Sam was fine, but John died and Dean was badly injured.

"After several days in a coma, Dean woke up and almost immediately checked himself out. For the next several months, the brothers traveled like they had when they were young except they didn't hunt the innocent like their father had. They just saved people.

"Dean was accused of the deaths of several people that they weren't able to save so the brothers used fake identities to avoid the police. Often, they impersonated police officers or federal agents in order to be able to interview people. Things were fine and then the unthinkable for Dean happened.

"Sam was kidnapped and was going to be killed. If Dean went to the police, he would go down of murder and Sam as an accomplice. So Dean found a way to contact Sam's kidnappers and before Sam had been missing for even a whole day, Dean had traded places with his brother. He was given one year before the kidnappers, who will probably never be identified, beat Dean violently and took him. Dean was missing for over four months and Sam believed his brother to be dead. After four months of torture, Dean was rescued by a man named Jimmy Novak who was ironically suffering from delusions that he was an angel. Dean made his way to the home of Bobby Singer, who had served as a surrogate uncle to the brothers.

"Less than two weeks ago, the final tragedy of this man's life struck," the man speaking blinked twice, and those sitting in the front row could see a tear gleam in his eye before he blinked it away. "New evidence had come up and a court found Dean innocent of the crimes he was wanted for. They also decided that all the people he saved, made it worth it for him to pretend to be someone he wasn't every now and again… But two men didn't agree. They broke into the hotel room Sam and Dean were staying in and shot Dean in the chest three times and knocked Sam out. All of the bullets went into Dean's lungs and eventually he drowned in his own blood. He was fully conscious and suffering the enter time.

The dark haired man was quiet for a few seconds as he let this sink in to the people. "Some of you may still not grasp how horrible this was. When you think of Dean Winchester, remember these pictures and these papers that Dean wrote in his journal." With that, he stepped down from the stage and hit play on a slideshow that was on the laptop that he had hooked up to the projector before people started arriving.

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_

_Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_

It was a picture of Dean at four years old. The picture had been taken the first time CPS had taken Sam and Dean away from John and everyone could see why. The left side of Dean's face was swollen and black with a gash running down his face. Below the picture there were the words, _Sometimes I feel like my mommy is still here, but if I say anything daddy gets very angry with me._

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

The next picture was of Dean when he was seven or eight. His lip was split and there was a bloody gash on the side of his face. _I wish I didn't have so many scars. At school, kids say that they make me ugly, but I feel even uglier on the inside than I do on the outside._

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

That one was of Dean holding a small baby Sam. Dean's tiny arms were struggling to hold up his brother, but his face was set in steely determination and no one in the funeral parlor doubted that he would ever drop him. _I have to protect Sammy. _

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

The picture was one that a security camera had gotten of John slapping Dean. Dean's little head whipped the right as John's hand collided with his left cheek. _I'm scared of Dad. I'm scared to disappoint him; I'm scared to do what he wants. I don't want to live like this. Sammy doesn't deserve this._

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

The next picture had been taken by a teacher when Dean was nine. His face was bruised and his right arms hung at an odd angle, but his face show now pain. He had already been taught that pain was weakness and if he hurt, no one could know.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

In the next picture, Dean was older. He was still scrawny and small, but he looked to be about fourteen years old. John had left them without enough money, so Dean had gotten a job. _Sammy wants to play soccer, so I got another shift so we can pay for the sports physical and to rent the uniform. It's a night shift, but I can never get any sleep anyways._

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along_

The next was a picture of a fifteen year old Dean lying in a hospital bed, pale and unconscious. After a hunt, John had run off and left Sam and Dean with no money whatsoever. Dean was already injured from the hunt, but still worked to get food and other supplies. Finally, Dean had collapsed at school and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. When he regained consciousness, John was still nowhere to be found so Dean broke out of the hospital, grabbed Sam, and headed to Bobby's.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me, me, me_

The next picture was just a jumble of almost all of the pictures there were of Dean. There were pictures that had been taken without his knowledge in which he looked so sad and broken, and they're were pictures that he knew were being taken, so he faked a smile or just tried to turn his head away. The biggest picture had been taken by neighbor the night Mary died. It was four year old Dean with Sam clutched in his arms, leaping off of the front porch and onto the ground as fire licked away at the house. _Sometimes I worry I'm not strong enough to take care of Sam. I try so hard, but there's always something he doesn't have. I wish he could just be normal. I don't tell him about what Dad does; to me or to other people. I try to get him everything he needs for school and he's never hungry more than a normal kid. Dad's right; I'm so weak and stupid and useless that I'll never be able to take care of Sam like Mom could of. It's not fair. I didn't want her to die. I wanted Sam to know her and to know what it was like to have her put you back into bed after a nightmare instead of a stupid older brother whose bruises could give you more nightmares. I'd give anything for Mom to come back. Anything._

As the slideshow ended there was not a dry eye in the room. Sam went from the stage where he had been speaking about his brother straight towards Bobby, who sat in the front row with tears silently streaming down his face.

"He gave up everything for me," Sam sobbed and Bobby pulled him in for a hug like they hadn't done since Sam was young.

"It was because he loved you," Bobby whispered to the weeping man. "He loved you so much."

"I miss him, Bobby," Sam whispered. "I miss him so much, and this time," Sam's voice broke but he continued speaking, "I know he's never coming back."

Bobby had no response and Sam whispered something else, so softly that Bobby strained to hear him. "When I cried, he was always there and made me feel better. When he cried, he was weeping into his pillow in the middle of the night, alone and hurting."

"He loved you," Bobby repeated. "He loved you so much."


End file.
